Wednesday, March 11, 2009

So, here's the deal.

The chemo didn't kill all of the cancer cells. Specifically, they found cancer cells alive in all of the nodes and the tumors they removed. I don't know exactly what that means, but Beloved Oncologist has been reassuring. Apparently, when you have estrogen-receptive cancer, which I do, the hormone treatments can sometimes work better than the chemo. So we'll hope that that happens in my case. Apparently, we are still talking about curing my cancer, so that's a good thing. And Beloved Doctor Who Diagnosed Me was, as always, very sweet and upbeat and assured me that I was going to be ok.

But I was not really thinking of this (incomplete cancer kill) as a possibility, and now I'm finding it difficult to process. Fortunately, I meet with both Beloved Oncologist and Beloved Healing Coach tomorrow, and I will set up an appointment for next week with Beloved Therapist.

In other news, the drains are out (the second one was removed today), my arm is still quite sore, and my hair is growing back. Oh, and now that they've removed the surgical tape, I can see that I actually have two enormous scars and not just one humongous one.

After seeing Bint's scar pics (see comments on my last post), it's occurred to me that my left scar will probably permanently change color from the radiation. Which is ok - not what I was necessarily hoping for, but something I can get used to. It helped to see hers and to have an idea from that of what mine might look like (which is reason #15 why showing scars is a good thing).


Anonymous said...

It makes me happy that you have a beloved medical team to work with you as you go through this.

Thinking of you.

belledame222 said...

Ah, PF. Fuck. Also glad that you have wonderful doctors on your side, and that the drains are out. Thinking of you.

Donna said...

It's hard to know what to say that doesn't sound trite or might not be what you need to hear right now. So I will just tell you that I am sending positive thoughts, healing energy, prayers, and love.

Vanessa said...

I'm no good at giving reassurance that doesn't sound stupid, so I'll just offer hugs. You're in my thoughts!

Anonymous said...

I agree with Donna.

Plain(s)feminist said...

Thanks, all.

What I'm finding helpful right now is to remind myself that, first, there is reason to be optimistic, and second, science is advancing on breast cancer all the time. During the course of my treatment, two studies have already come out that have affected my treatment. So, I'm hopeful that as I continue my treatment, I will benefit from more advances.

I'm also planning to support some of the fundraisers for research.

Renegade Evolution said...

good doctors are full of awesome, and it is good that they are really optomistic. Having the drains out has got to feel much better, yeah?

Still sending good vibes.

Green said...

I am so glad you have all these Beloveds to surround and help you. If a person's got to go through shit, that's definitely the way to do it.

Nanette said...

I came directly through a link to a different post and had no idea this was going on, but I didn't want to leave without wishing you the best and letting you know my thoughts are with you.

I am happy you already seem to have the best in beloved doctors and support.