Sunday, October 12, 2008

If only I could feel like this all the time.

Right now, I'm feeling like myself, like I'm not defined by this. Most of the day, though, I spent in bed, too depressed to get up, too worried to feel safe. I need to remember that I feel best when I start doing things like grading papers, which forces me to get outside of myself and think about other things. I am at my worst when I spend time alone worrying, or when I do things other than work (watching t.v. is a good distraction, but it only works for so long).

It feels so good not to be coming apart at the seams. I wish I could feel this way more, and feel like I'm falling into the abyss less often.


SD said...

I hear you. Enjoy it while it lasts. Glad to hear that you are feeling like you again. I think that's one of the hardest parts of depression. I barely recognise myself sometimes.

Take care x

Renegade Evolution said...

The abyss is totally over-rated, and no good Chinese food there. I've taken tours, it sucks. We want you here with us, so no abyss going.

Anonymous said...

((big hugs)) x

Anonymous said...

I saw some bathroom grafitti recently that said, "The loss of all hope is the beginning of freedom." I didn't know if you would like that or not, but I decided to pass it your way.

I know you'll come out of this.

desertbitch said...

a friend of mine told me that you are having a bit of cancer. I had breast cancer too. I blogged a bit about it, if you would like to waste some time go ahead and read. i have linked you to the beginning. long story short, I am in remission for two years now and feel really great. The prognosis is really great.
I have a very good friend who just had a masectomy on Monday. Seems to be going around.
You take care and I will keep reading.

Plain(s)feminist said...

I love it - "you are having a bit of cancer!" That sounds so much better than almost every other way there is to say it.

Thanks for the link - I look forward to reading! (And I'm glad that you are doing so well!)