Monday, March 27, 2006

The Mom I've Always Wanted to Be

It's finally happened - in friendly conversation with a college-age person, I've turned out to be the same age as that person's mom. Granted, her mom was young when she had her - YOUNG. But still, it was a little sobering for both of us to realize.

But it made me think, as I have thought many, many times before, that I will be a far better mother to a teenager than I am to a preschooler. Because I'm down with piercings and all that stuff. I just can't take preschool humor, much of which seems to revolve around screaming "poopyhead!" while running around naked. I just don't get it.

I'd far rather deal with drugs, frankly. I sometimes think I would be deliriously happy if my four-year-old was only a mellowed-out stoner. Instead, he likes to stand in the bathroom sink in order to touch the light fixtures. Yes - standing in the sink while touching an electrical fixture. That's just the sort of thing all moms want their children to try. It's as though all of the babyproofing we did while he was a toddler was for nothing - he rarely ever tried to get into the cupboards then. Now, however, when I walk into the bathroom he's climbing the cabinet above the toilet, probably only one small step away from taking a bite out of my Lady Speedstick.

If he manages to survive until 13, I promise I will gladly take him to get his first tattoo.


Sally Pepper said...

You'd rather deal with drugs than preschool humor? I know, you're being sarcastic, but what an odd comparison!

Plain(s)feminist said...

Just imagine how peaceful things would no no, of course, I'm kidding. But I do feel better equipped to handle the teenage troubles of sex and drugs than to handle the silliness and potty humor. (Check in with me in about 7 or 8 years and we'll see.)

Someday Maybe said...

You should totally be a host mom for a while. You get to hang out with teenagers and then send them back after a set amount of time. You could also consider fostering, but it might be difficult while your son is still young.

I've had 2 teens live with me for 2 years each and we never had any drugs, piercings or tattoo questions. (not that it was up to me to give permission, but they were real straight arrows.) No romance for these two either. The girl would go to drinking parties that lasted all night but she was completely trustworthy.

I am not a fan of potty humor either. Can't say I'm a fan of innocent teen drama either, but at least there's more to discuss with teen drama.