Thursday, February 16, 2006

The Thong v. The WonderBra

I've just recently been made aware of a new fashion issue: VPL, or Visible Panty Lines. I suppose VPL has always been an issue, but somehow I managed until now to avoid worrying about it for most of my life. But all of a sudden, it seems that VPL is a huge problem. It kind of makes me wonder which came first - VPL worry or thongs? Because I'm pretty sure that thongs actually created a lot of VPL worry.

Which brings me to my point: I have actually purchased my Very First Pair of thong underwear. And yesterday was my Very First Day of wearing said underwear. Before yesterday, I was fairly certain that they were going to end up in the garbage can, possibly one at work (which is where one of my friends has tossed a few pairs of annoying underwear (her workplace, not mine)) because The Rule of Underwear states that it is at work when underwear issues tend to get out of control. But I nevertheless entered into this thong relationship in good faith, with the expectation that the VPL-free lifestyle would not demand too much sacrifice.

Incidentally, about this "pair of thong underwear" business. I had a conversation the other week in which several of us concluded that a thong does not amount to a pair of anything, except perhaps a pair of legholes.

Back to my point. I also recently purchased my first WonderBra (the push-up kind, not one of the myriad other kinds that are out there and that make WonderBra shopping incredibly confusing to me). Sadly, it is white, which means that I probably never should have bought it, because any shirt I would want to wear it with can't be worn with a white bra (because the shirts are black, and the white bra straps would show - just in case that wasn't clear). But South Dakota seems to have a shortage of black push-up WonderBras in my size. And maybe that's a good thing, because there is something very odd about suddenly having one's chest heading off horizontally like that. I'm sure it looks completely different from another point of view, but from my perspective, in my WonderBra I feel like I'm wearing Madonna's pointy cone bra, and frankly, it scares me a little.

Really, if I'm honest about it, push-up bras just aren't me (literally and figuratively). My breasts don't want that much attention, and neither do I. And maybe thongs aren't me, either (I certainly plan to avoid VT, or Visible Thong (shudder)).

By now, you may be wondering, how did Thong Day go? Much better than expected, actually. Here's what I've noticed: when I first put them on, it's like, WOW, this is strange. But then I almost immediately forgot all about them. They were really very comfortable. And since I was wearing tights, it was great not to always be dealing with bunchy underwear (tights and underwear are a bad match).

So - thongs 1, push-up bras 0.


blacksweatpants said...

just so you know... dr. mom (seriously) warned me about thongs and bacteria.
gross, i know. however, some google research won't disappoint... even from the ama.

plain(s)feminist said...

Ick. Thank you SO much for that. Readers, take note.

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