Thursday, December 28, 2006

On the road with Warrant.

So we got in at like 2am this morning from our trip back east. And on the last flight with us was Warrant.

I noticed a couple of these guys in the airport, ironically because they looked kind of hip. (This is ironic because, if you've checked out the link above, you'll notice that "hip" is about the last thing they look. They should consider giving up the stage look and just going with their regular look - except for '80s bad perm guy, who should consider another look entirely.) I have no idea who any of these guys are - I have only ever heard the name "Warrant" accompanied by snickers and derisive laughter, the sort of noises you make when you hear that Ratt is making a "come-back" tour.

I didn't realize this last night, but I've actually heard a Warrant song: "Cherry Pie." And the reason - which will be important in a minute - that I've heard this song is because we used to have a "club" in town that was famous for it's bad music. Every single time I ever went there, the "club" would play "Cherry Pie." Few people ever danced to the song - because it's not exactly a dance song, now, is it? - and yet, the bozos who ran the club insisted on playing it every single Friday and Saturday night. It was a regular in their line-up of un-danceable songs, right up there with Def Leppard's "Pour Some Sugar On Me." Which, to be fair, is a fine song it its own right, but it is not a dance song. And that would be ok if it weren't a dance "club" with an empty dance floor, if you catch my drift.

Anyway, that "club" has since changed names and - rumor has it - ownership. I wish I could say that this was because the clientele rose up against the management and demanded decent music, but unfortunately it was because - rumor, again - the clientele rose up against each other and there were several violent incidents. Closing and then reopening under a different name was apparently an attempt to change the whole ambience to something a little more classy, or something.

Or something, indeed. The "club" still likes its "Cherry Pie." Guess where Warrant is playing tonight?

What makes this all even funnier is that, when I saw their gear at baggage claim, I figured that the band was playing the Arena, or at least the Ramkota (which is an exhibit hall that regularly features respectable bands, from Rob Zombie to Modest Mouse). But no. They are an '80s hair band, and they are playing at the Lava Lounge Bar and Grill. Oh, the agony of defeat.

And yes, I'm enjoying every minute of it, because 1) I have little tolerance for bad "music," and 2) how can I not make fun of Warrant?!


Kelsey said...

I'm not huge on much 80s hair music at all (and I get very touchy when people try to put Guns n' Roses in said category), but I have to say, "Cherry Pie" is just as good a song, if not better, than "Poor Some Sugar on Me." And by that, I mean pretty bad.

plain(s)feminist said...

I suppose I cut Def Leppard a little slack because before they got to "Pour Some Sugar On Me," they did songs like "Bringing on the Heartbreak" (Heartache? Whatever.) and "Photograph."

And no, Guns 'n Roses is most definitely not an '80s hair band. Not at all.

Kelsey said...

I just find Def Leppard's lead singer's voice kind of grating. Very nasal. But I know a lot of reasonable people who like them, so maybe it's just me.

Scott said...

That was one of the funniest posts I've read in some time. Unfortunately, I had been forced to visit that awful club a couple of times and could never figure out why they were playing 90% of the garbage I heard. I'm not a fan of most dance music, but I've been a club DJ and at the very least you need to create some sort of flow to go in and out of various music genres. Not this joint.

I've also had the misfortune to interview Warrant. Like most hair metal bands, they're extremely whiny and delusional. It's all Nirvana's fault that they're not still topping the charts. Yeah, right.

I didn't even know this awful band was coming to town until I received an email yesterday from somebody at that awful club with an offer for a free ticket. Needless to say, I decline.

plain(s)feminist said...

Scott - And I, in turn, laughed out loud at your comment. Even as I was poking fun, I figured that the surviving members of these "bands" would sort of get that they were 85% gimmick and 15% music, and appreciate whatever run they'd had. That they blame Nirvana for their downward spiral - that's just funny. Loverboy has also blamed Nirvana, but that at least makes sense, because Loverboy was actually popular.

(I admit to saying, in a snarky way, to the flight attendant who hadn't heard of them, "They used to be - well, they never really were big. But they're an '80s band.")

And you are so right about flow. What's odd is that supposedly those guys were DJs before they bought the "club." I did think their style was a bit reminiscent of a bad high school dance, which is probably what they did before they bought the place...

Veronica said...

Have you ever seen the clip of the lead singer telling the "Cherry Pie" story? He's like, "I want to shoot myself in the head for EVER having written that song." And, he isn't laughing.

plain(s)feminist said...

Veronica -
Was that, by any chance, on a VH1 special?