Credit Union Woes

For almost as long as I've been supporting myself, I have been a member of a credit union (CU)rather than a bank. I've been a member of at least four over the past twenty or so years; CUs were always smaller, more friendly, and more personally interested in me as a customer. Like food co-ops, they can operate at the bare minimum; for example, there was one CU in Buffalo that had a tiny office with very limited hours a few blocks from my house, and when I wanted to get cash, I had to either go there and write myself a check (after ensuring that they had enough cash on hand - larger amounts required prior notification) or go across the street to to co-op and write a check there (again, after ensuring that they had the cash to give me). It was all very crunchy and granola if nothing else.

Then, there are others, like the one in South Dakota, that don't seem much different from a bank in terms of their physical offices, only they don't charge you every ripstitch. Banking without fees!

When we moved here, we kept our South Dakota CU account for a couple of years. When we were in the process of buying a house here, though, we needed a local account. So, I looked up CUs, of which there are many in the Twin Cities, and started figuring out which ones were most conveniently located. The thing about CUs is that using ATMs at locations other than the credit union usually means a charge - there isn't often a network of free ATMs, depending on the size of the credit union. So I very carefully chose a CU that had an office close to home.

Now, overall, I like the CU. The people we met with to discuss services, loans, mortgages, and all that were lovely, and the office seemed professional. No, they didn't have safe deposit boxes, but then, I really don't have much to put into one, anyway.

My problems with this CU began almost immediately, however, and they have generally to do with the drive-through. One morning in late summer, I pulled up at the drive-through post and waited for the teller to signal that she was ready to help me, which is how drive-through windows had always worked for me in the past. I waited a while. Finally, I pressed the "call teller" button and heard, "We were wondering what you were doing!" I thought to myself, "hmmm....seems like good customer service in that situation would have been to ask, 'May I help you?' as soon as they saw me sitting there - but, whatever. No need to make a fuss." I completed my transaction and moved on.

Several months later, I stopped at the drive-through again. This time, I didn't waste time waiting to be greeted or asked what I needed. I was there to make a deposit, so I grabbed the tube, only to find that there was no pen. I called the teller, asked for a pen, and sent the tube back, empty. It came back with a pen. I signed my checks, filled out the deposit slip, put everything in the tube and sent it back. The teller told me, "you forgot to sign the deposit slip." So she sent the slip back to me, but in the meantime, she had taken the pen out. I sent the tube back a third time for the pen, and she sent me back my cash and a receipt - but again, no pen. I didn't need a pen at this point, but since my transaction at the supposedly speedier drive-through window had now taken longer than it would have taken me had I just gone inside, I felt it was my duty to point out that it would be helpful to leave the damn pen in the tube. (I didn't say 'damn'.) The teller responded by telling me that customers steal the pens from the tubes and so they did not provide pens.

At this point, I was ready to start yelling, so I pulled out, drove around and parked, and called the CU. The woman who answered was the same woman who had "helped" me at the drive-through. I asked to speak with her manager, she sounded scared, and she put the manager on. I explained the situation - that I thought it was ridiculous that they apparently had a policy of not supplying pens because customers took them - and tried to convey my amazement that they would withhold something so necessary and common-place. Doesn't *every* bank or CU provide pens? Even the bloody *post office* usually has a pen out on the counter! And so, I became that customer who must be dealt with in as polite a manner possible, even though the manager is thinking, "who is this loon who is so concerned about something so stupid?!" And I felt pretty stupid, taking this so seriously, as she explained to me that they do, apparently, try to provide pens, but that in the extreme cold, sometimes the pens explode in the tubes, requiring them to replace the tubes, and so they don't put them in the tubes in the winter months. (Why couldn't the stupid teller have just apologized and said so?)

I went back a couple more times to the drive through that winter (twice hitting my wheel on the extra-long cement island, and losing a hubcap), and each time there was, of course, no pen.

Finally, yesterday, a warm day, I decided to brave the drive-through once more. I opened the tube (there was a pen!), signed my check, and filled out my deposit slip the way I have always been taught to do - list the check amount ($25); give the sub-total ($25); list the amount being cashed ($25); show the total being deposited ($0); sign the deposit slip because I'm getting cash back. And I wait, and the teller's picture (the same teller from the pen incident) flickers over the screen long enough to say "hello" and "thank you" and then she's over and out; the tube is returned to me with - a receipt for deposit of $25 into my checking account. I say, "I was trying to cash this?" and there is no response - she's been off the line from the time she pressed "send." I press "call teller" and again she flickers over the screen, "yes?" I say, "I meant to cash this - that's why there is a zero in the total amount." Silence. Then, one final flicker "youdon'thavetofilloutadepositsliptocashachecksenditbacktome" and she's gone again - there is no conversation, no, "I'm sorry" or "in the future, you should do x, y, or z." Nothing. I get my tube back with my cash and she is done with me.

I know this is really a very little thing, but good customer service - competent customer service - really does make a difference. I don't like knowing when I leave the house that if I don't have a pen with me, I'll have to go inside. I don't like still not knowing what they want me to do when I want to cash a check (and I don't really like the idea of having to say my account number aloud outside when there are other people in the drive-through lane, which is what I assume would be part of the process). I don't like that the tellers can't be bothered to greet me when I show up. But more than everything else, I don't like that the CU employees don't seem to get that these are problems with the way they do business. That alone makes me wonder if I should find another CU.

The Onion does it again.

This is not just a typically funny Onion article - this is a really clever piece that rips BP while offering a laugh (and a laugh is sorely needed right about now). I like the way it keeps us focused both on the enormity of the oil spill *and* on the enormity of BP's, well, bullshit.

On Jews and "Home."

(I'm a little rusty, so bear that in mind, and I apologize in advance for that, as well as for the abrupt non-ending. But if I don't post this, it will be yet another deleted post. Just don't expect me to say anything new.)

Bfp writes of Helen Thomas: "She is not hating Jews or wishing death or violence on Jews as a people. She is offering a very pointed critique of occupation and violence that a Jewish nation/state is inflicting on indigenous populations." This is a crucial point. It is a mistake to dismiss her comments as anti-Semitic.

At the same time, the notion that Jews can simply return to their homes in Poland and Germany fails to recognize the reality of anti-Semitism and the legacy of anti-Semitism. Poles and Germans still own the houses and property of Jews who were dispossessed; they won't be giving them back anytime soon. Jews can no more "go home" to Germany and Poland than can a young woman "go home" to a parent who has raped her. Legally and physically, of course, Jews are able to travel to and establish themselves in these countries, and that is an important right and freedom that Palestinians do not have. Still, the meaning of "home" for any diasporic people is complex and difficult, and Thomas' comment, at best, did not recognize this complexity.

One of the stereotypes that has always followed Jews is the idea of Jews as having power to hurt others; for example, the sense many people (who are not Jewish) have that Jews are running the U.S. In the situation of Israel and Palestine, Jews do, in fact, have power, and Israel has used that power to hurt and oppress. But it is a mistake to imagine that Jewish people are therefore no longer oppressed or that they can return to the countries that tried to kill them and live safely.

I felt the need to say all of this, but I also need to say, now, that while I think we need to acknowledge this complexity, and while Thomas' comments need to be addressed so that this complexity is brought out, there is also something larger, here. Bfp gets at it in the quote above and in this post, as well. And so does Tony Klug's piece, "Are Israeli Policies Entrenching Anti-Semitism Worldwide?" Calling out Israel is not inherently anti-Semitic. Protesting Israel's abuses is, in fact, the moral duty of Jews as well as non-Jews. Just as we have worked to define "racism" and "homophobia" in ways that focus on institutionalized oppression rather than personal prejudice, we need to work on applying the same analysis to the concept of anti-Semitism. I don't believe that Thomas' comments were anti-Semitic, and while I am concerned that she made them, I am distressed that the larger point she was making is getting lost.

Further, perhaps like Klug, I worry that the rush to censure Thomas - and to force her out - is inevitably going to deepen the very real distrust and dislike of Jews in America and elsewhere. And it certainly won't help either the Israelis or the Palestinians.

Which is harder - teaching someone to drive or to ride a bike?

We are in the process of doing the latter - and I wish we'd started this process years ago. Because we didn't, we are just starting him on training wheels, and Bean is, quite understandably, nervous about the whole thing. Once he gets going, he enjoys it, but the journey to getting going is paved with arguments, tears, yelling, and endless, endless braking. It took us 40 minutes last night to get from the corner to our house. This is exhausting.

And he keeps saying, "If I were learning to drive a car, I wouldn't be so scared!"

Help keep ARM / Demeter Press going!

From ARM Director, Andrea O'Reilly:

Good news: there has been a tsunami of support for arm. Hundreds of letters in, a fan of arm facebook set up already, dozens of mommy bloggers have blogged on it, a fundraising campaign already up and running, two media interviews. (details on all this wil be on arm facebook page and sent to arm supporters and members tomorrow) I am at loss for words to convey my appreciation for this outpouring of concern and outrage.

so yes we are resolved to keep arm/jarm/Demeter press going somehow/someway

...we are asking concerned individuals to do the following

1) Write a letter, however brief, to York officials listed in ARM closure email.

In 48 HOURS ARM has received close to 300 emails.

[The addresses (please cc arm@yorku.ca; aoreilly@yorku.ca):
Associate Dean of Research, FLAPS, Barbara Crow, bacrow@yorku.ca
Executive Officer, FLAPS, Felim Greene, fgreene@yorku.ca
Associate Dean, External Relations, FLAPS, Moghissi Haideh, moghissi@yorku.ca
Dean, FLAPS, Martin Singer, martin.singer@yorku.ca
Vice President, Research and Innovation, Stan Shapson, vpri@yorku.ca
Associate Vice President Research, Social Sciences and the Humanities, David Dewitt, ddewitt@yorku.ca
Vice-President Academic & Provost, Patrick Monahan, provost@yorku.ca
Director, Office of Research Services, David Phipps, dphipps@yorku.ca
President and Vice Chancellor, Mamdouh Shoukri, mshoukri@yorku.ca ]


2) Distribute widely the ARM closure letter; contact your local media. Join the "Fan of ARM Facebook Page"

3) Send to arm and myself any and all ideas/leads/contact for funding for arm/jarm/demeter press post York.

4) Please purchase a Demeter Press title from ARM/Demeter Press page with a cheque payable to Demeter Press. Or make a donation to Demeter Press.

We will certainly keep you posted

And thank you again for your email. It means a great deal to us at this difficult time

best

andrea oreilly and renee knapp

Dr. Andrea O'Reilly,
Associate Professor,
School of Women's Studies,
Founder-Director: Association for Research on Mothering,
Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering, Demeter Press,
Co-Founder, Museum of Motherhood,
Co-Founder, International Mothers Network,
Editor, Encyclopedia of Motherhood, Sage Press, 2010.
York University,
Toronto, Ont.,
M3J 1P3
416 736 2100;60366
aoreilly@yorku.ca
www.yorku.ca/arm

Closure of the Association for Research on Mothering

Please read the following and then write a letter of protest to the emails below. Please also forward to your networks - let's get this out into the feminist blogosphere. You should know that ARM has been publishing work by and about mothers of color, queer mothers, and mothers with disabilities; it has worked hard to support the work of all those who mother and who study mothering.

March 2, 2010

Dear ARM Members and Friends,

I am writing with some very sad news concerning the Association for Research on Mothering, The Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering and Demeter Press. Due to York University’s continued refusal to provide base funding to the association, its journal and press, we will be closing ARM May 1, 2010. The Executive Officer of the Faculty of Liberal and Professional Studies (FLAPS) has assured us that all membership and subscriptions for 2010 and beyond will be reimbursed on a pro-rated basis.

Please find below information on 1) the context of; reasons for this decision; 2) whom to contact with your questions, concerns and comments; 3) the implications of such for ARM’s various research activities.

The Association for Research on Mothering was founded in 1998, its journal in 1999, and its press in 2006. Over these twelve years ARM’s accomplishments have been many and diverse including: 35 international conferences, including conferences in New York City and in Puerto Rico and one recently planned for Portugal in 2011; 22 journal issues and ten Demeter Press titles published (with another 15 Demeter Press titles in production or under contract); half a million dollars in external funding; a paid membership base of more than 500 individuals/institutions (including 110 library subscriptions) from 25 plus countries each year; a large and vibrant Australian “arm of ARM” (that has hosted 5 international conferences), ARM journals and Demeter press titles sold in bookstores across Canada and on Amazon; Demeter Press titles used as course texts in university classrooms across Canada and the United States; extensive media coverage including a front page story in the National Post in 2006; many national and international research projects and partnerships including the SSHRC funded project on Young Mothers and Empowerment Programming with ten research partners from 5 countries; co-producer of a documentary on the 21st Motherhood Movement; co-founder of the International Mothers Network (IMN) now with 120 members worldwide and co-founder of the Museum of Motherhood. ARM is recognized as the leading association and publication on motherhood worldwide and indeed as an important organization in Women’s Studies scholarship more generally. A Google search of the “Association for Research on Mothering”, for example, yields 225,000 hits while the “Canadian Women’s Studies Association”, (Canada’s only and long-standing national association of Women’s Studies) yields only 70,900 hits. That ARM, a relatively new research association and one focused specifically on the topic of motherhood yielded three times more hits than the Women’s Studies Association of Canada is indeed significant and speaks to the centrality and prominence of the association. For more information on ARM, its journal and press please visit our website at www.yorku.ca/arm.

ARM receives NO funding from York University though in recent years York has provided a small office for ARM and some teaching release for myself as director (and does provide accounting and financial services). ARM, as with all research associations and scholarly journals and as a nonprofit organization, requires some institutional support to cover its operating costs. Since ARM has received no institutional support it has incurred a deficit most years though in the last 4 out of 5 years ARM has made a small profit or broken even. In the last 6-7 years I have met many times with various university officials to request 20,000 dollars in institutional support either in the form of a grant or by covering some of ARM’s operational costs such as student wages, postage or printing or by providing an annual Graduate Assistantship. The answer has always been an emphatic no. In the fall of 2009 the situation reached a crisis point when the associate dean of research of ARM’s new faculty (FLAPS) froze our accounts as a result of ARM’s deficit and in the last three weeks has forced the suspension of all of ARM’s research activities including the cancellation of the May conference in New York and the production of the current journal issue and forthcoming Demeter Press title. With York’s refusal to provide some funding or to cover some of ARM’s operational costs and its recent decision to freeze our accounts and suspend its research activities, I see no other choice but to close ARM. I believe that ARM’s many achievements make ARM deserving of institutional support and have done my utmost to convince York of this but York remains steadfast in its argument that ARM must operate on a cost-recovery basis with no institutional support, (though York’s many research centres receive far more in university funding than ARM is requesting and do far less in research activities).

I ask that any comments or questions on the forced closure of ARM be directed to the following individuals (please cc arm@yorku.ca; aoreilly@yorku.ca):
Associate Dean of Research, FLAPS, Barbara Crow, bacrow@yorku.ca
Executive Officer, FLAPS, Felim Greene, fgreene@yorku.ca
Associate Dean, External Relations, FLAPS, Moghissi Haideh, moghissi@yorku.ca
Dean, FLAPS, Martin Singer, martin.singer@yorku.ca
Vice President, Research and Innovation, Stan Shapson, vpri@yorku.ca
Associate Vice President Research, Social Sciences and the Humanities, David Dewitt,
ddewitt@yorku.ca
Vice-President Academic & Provost, Patrick Monahan, provost@yorku.ca
Director, Office of Research Services, David Phipps, dphipps@yorku.ca
President and Vice Chancellor, Mamdouh Shoukri, mshoukri@yorku.ca

ARM, JARM AND DEMETER PRESS RESEARCH ACTIVITIES
Membership and Subscriptions:
ARM will no longer be accepting memberships or subscriptions for 2010 and beyond. All paid 2010 and beyond memberships will be reimbursed on a pro-rated basis

Conferences
The conference “Being and Thinking as an Academic Mother”, at Simone de Beauvoir Institute, Montreal, Canada, April 8, 2010 will proceed as scheduled

The New York conference “Representing Motherhood” May 20-22, 2010 is CANCELLED

The October conference “Mothering and the Economy; The Economics of Mothering” is
CANCELLED

The Journal of the Association for Research on Mothering
No more issues of the journal will be published. 2010 subscriptions will be reimbursed fully.

Individual copies of past journal issues may be purchased at a discounted rate until May 1, 2010. Details on website soon

Demeter Press
Past titles may be purchased at a discounted rate. Details on website soon.

A decision is pending on forthcoming Demeter Press titles. A full update will be sent in the next week or two.

The next several months are going to be challenging ones for the association and in particular for ARM’s coordinator Renée Knapp so I ask in advance for your patience and understanding.

Though I am deeply saddened that our beloved ARM must close, I will be forever grateful to the wonderful members of ARM for their transformative and groundbreaking research and activism on and for mothers and mothering around the world. Thank you!

Sincerely,
Dr. Andrea O’Reilly,
Founder and Director, ARM, JARM, Demeter Press
York University,
Toronto, Ont.,
M3J 1P3
416 736 2100;60366
aoreilly@yorku.ca
www.yorku.ca/arm

To the guy behind me in traffic this morning.

Look, I'm sure you were in a hurry, and I can appreciate that you didn't like the fact that I was slowing down when you wanted to go faster as we exited the highway. What I saw that you didn't see was the truck ahead and on my right that was planning to turn left across my lane. I was turning left, too, and even if I weren't, the truck was blocking the right lane, so I had no choice but to stop, behind the truck and to the left, so that it could turn. Honking your horn at me is not going to make me play chicken with a truck.

I thought maybe you'd understand the situation after the truck turned, but no, you still found it necessary to drive up behind me after we'd all turned, honk furiously, and give me the finger as you sped away.

It is not my fault that you are in a hurry. Plan better next time. And please try to be less of an asshole.

Two years later...

...so I've been teaching and talking and writing lately about the Great Blog Wars of '08, and I'm wondering where we stand. Specifically, I'm wondering where we stand on the girlcott of Seal Press. This is really bugging me, because in the interim, SP has launched their "Women's Studies series". What is the impact of this going to be on the discipline of Women's Studies a few years down the road? Meanwhile, the same few (fluffy, some of them) authors keep popping up with new books on SP's website.

On the other hand, I guess it's something that the covers of these books written by white women white women white women feature people of color...(that would be sarcasm, folks.)

2010 Obama Agenda Survey from the RNC

I hate political "surveys" that distort meanings in order to elicit specific answers:

1) Do you agree with Barack Obama and the Democrats that taxes should be raised for the sake of 'fairness,' regardless of the negative impact it is likely to have on the economy?

2) Do you believe the federal government has gone too far in bailing out failing banks, insurance companies and the auto industry?

3) Do you support amnesty for illegal immigrants?

4) Should English be the official language of the United States?

5) Are you in favor of granting retroactive Social Security eligibility to illegal immigrants who gain U.S. citizenship through an amnesty program?

6) Are you in favor of the expanded welfare benefits and unlimited eligibility (no time, education or work requirements) that Democrats in Congress are pushing to pass?

7) Do you believe that Barack Obama's nominees for federal courts should be immediately and unquestionably approved for their lifetime appointments by the U.S. Senate?

8) Do you believe that the best way to increase the quality and effectiveness of public education in the U.S. is to rapidly expand federal funding while eliminating performance standards and accountability?

9) Do you support the creation of a national health insurance plan that would be administered by bureaucrats in Washington, D.C.?

10) Do you believe that the quality and availability of health care will increase if the federal government dictates pricing to doctors and hospitals?

11) Are you confident that new medicines and medical treatments will continue to be developed if the federal government controls prescription drug prices and sets profit margins for research and pharmaceutical companies?

12) Are you in favor of creating a government-funded "Citizen Volunteer Corps" that would pay young people to do work now done by churches and charities, earning Corps Members the same pay and benefits given to military veterans?

13) Are you in favor of reinstituting the military draft, as Democrats in Congress have proposed?

14) Do you believe that the federal government should allow the unionization of Department of Homeland Security employees who serve in positions critical to the safety and security of our nation?

15) Do you support Democrats' drive to eliminate workers' right to a private ballot when considering unionization of their place of employment?

Jay Smooth on John Mayer.

I can't seem to post the video itself, but click here.

In Honor of V-Day...

...let me take this time to remind everyone that vulvas are not vaginas, and vice versa. If it helps, remember that all the outside stuff is part of the vulva - the vagina is an internal organ.

This public service message is brought to you by the fact that I just read an entire scholarly essay that used the word "vagina" to talk, really, about vulvas - so please, folks, knock it off. This is a simply appalling lack of basic anatomy knowledge.

Thank you, and have a lovely Valentine's Day.

I'm still here.

I wonder how on earth I ever used to have time for a blog. Not only do I not have time to write, I also don't have anything to say. I've been keeping my head down and working, and as a result I'm meeting some deadlines but not very in touch with what's going on. Super Bowl? Olympics? What?

The 'wonders' of technology.

I was visiting family out of state last week and wanted to check my Comcast voice mail. I dialed the number, hit the pound key, and entered my sooper seekrit password. Oops - wrong password. I tried again. Still wrong. One more time, and I had exceeded the number of invalid entries I am allowed. The nice computer voice told me that I was now locked out of my voicemail account and would need to call Comcast in order to reset the password.

Well, no big problem, right? Comcast sometimes takes a while to put you through to a live person, but it shouldn't be too difficult to straighten this out. So I call Comcast and get a live person surprisingly quickly. However, he tells me that I need a pin number in order to reset my password. Apparently, the FCC has assigned every line a pin number to make it easier to track down terrorists while the government is listening in on our phone conversations.

The pin number was mailed to my home at some point and is likely in file somewhere for safe keeping.

So I asked the Comcast guy if I could set up an account online without the pin number and get my voicemail that way; he said yes, so I got off the phone (because where I was visiting, there is a dial-up connection) and got online. Dial-up is, if you remember, painfully, painfully slow, so after some time, I was able to load the correct page and input the information in order to set up an account. However, after I had input my account number, the next screen told me that an online account had already been set up for me, and asked me to input my email. I did so, but the next screen said that that was the incorrect email. Over the next half hour or so (painfully slow dial-up, remember), I input *all* of my email addresses. No dice.

So, to recap, I was out of town and locked out of my voicemail; I couldn't reset the password without the pin number, which was in my house; I couldn't get into my online account because I didn't know which email address it was connected to.

So, I decided to try a live chat with a Comcast analyst. Here is the transcript (you can't make this stuff up):

analyst L has entered room

L>Thank you for contacting Comcast Live Chat Support. My name is L. Please give me one moment to review your information.

L>Good morning

PF>Good morning

L>I will be more than happy to assist you.

PF>Great!

L>the only thing that i would be able to do is reset it but you still would have to wait at least 45 minutes to get in

PF>Could you also help me with the online account so that I can check messages online?

L>yes

L>do you know the security pin on this account?

PF>I don't.

L>unfortunately i wont be able to reset the pin at this time. i would need the security pin, a secret question answered or either we could call you on your home phone but youre not there

PF>Can we do the secret question?

L>there isnt one set up

PF>OK. What about setting up an online account? Could I get access that way?

L>that would be using your email with your password

L>you can get them that way too

PF>Here's the problem. I tried to log in with my account number and phone number, but I didn't have a password, and when I tried to get help with the password, I found that none of my email addresses worked.

L>i can get you to the internet department who could help you set one up. you will need one when using our online services.

PF>That would be great.

L>ok...one moment and Happy Holidays to you!

PF>Happy Holidays to you, too!

analyst F. has entered room

L>Please wait, while the problem is escalated to another analyst

F>I am happy to assist you with your concern today.

PF)>Thank you.

analyst L has left room

F>How are you doing today?

PF>I'm good. Thanks for being there on a holiday!

F>Not a problem, we are working on holiday specially for you

F>I understand that you need assistance with your Comcast email account is that correct?

F>I can see here on your account that your Comcast.net email address is ...@comcast.net

PF>I don't use and have never used a comcast email address. I don't even know how to access that.

F>You need to use that email address in accessing your Comcast account

F>That is actually the email address setup when your service was installed

PF>So the service person set that up? How do I access that email?

PF>This would explain why I don't know the password, either.

F>You can just go to the Comcast.net website

F>You can just click on the Forgot Password link to setup your password

PF>But won't it send the new password to the comcast email address?

PF>Or will I need a pin number or something to change the password?

F>Yes, you need your security pin so that you can set up the password

F>If you do not have your security pin what we can do is just to resend it again to you through postal mail

PF>I don't have the pin, and I'm not at home.

F>PF we actually cannot reset your password with your security pin

PF>I understand that, but I was told that I could go online and set up an online account and gain access to my messages that way. I don't understand why Comcast would set up an online account with an email address and password and not give me this information?

F>Your Comcast email logins was actually given to you by the technician that installed your service

PF>ARgh. So, that is probably in a file drawer somewhere in my house.

F> if you are trying to access your voicemail messages, you can actually just access it from the phone

PF>Sigh. No, I can't. I tried that, forgot the password, and got locked out. At home, it's set to automatically call voicemail without me having to enter the password, so I never use it and forgot it.

F>With Comcast Enhanced Voice Mail, you will be able to access your mailbox and hear your messages - even when you're away from home. You can access your voice mail messages over the phone

PF>Are you able to reset the voicemail password without the pin number?

F>If you were lock out with your voicemail, Please allow the voice mail system to reset and try again within 30-45 minutes

F>Unfortunately we cannot reset it without the pin

PF>But if I remember the password, I should be able to log in in 45 minutes?

F>Yes that is correct

***

(I still can't remember my password, and I can't get into my voicemail until I get the pin.)

"The adventures of a sort of shiksa during the Festival of Lights," or "Hanukkah is getting the shaft again."

Not only did Bean ask for (and receive) a Christmas movie for Hanukkah (which I'm never sure if I'm spelling correctly or not), and not only did we watch it tonight, and not only do we never get home in time to light the candles at dusk (we light them around 7 or 8) - but I'm eating pork. The theme here seems to be, just how bad can we be at this?

(Nevertheless, we are having fun.)

How I became disillusioned by a children's book.

I was in Barnes and Noble tonight for an exceedingly long time, as my child played with his friend and I chatted with the friend's mom. We were having a good time, talking and browsing, and looking over the books that we'd read as children. As we looked, I came across The Three Snow Bears by Jan Brett. The cover illustration reminded me of the book, Who's That Knocking on Christmas Eve, which Bean owns and which we love. So I picked up The Three Snow Bears and flipped through it. What I really like about Brett's books are the illustrations, so I spent some time enjoying them before I made it to the back flap, where I found the following:

"Jan Brett and her husband...traveled to Iqaluit...to meet the Inuit people, where wonderful experiences awaited them.

An Inuit family welcomed them, the mother wearing a beautiful warm parka she had made. In a school, Jan saw the many intelligent, proud faces that became her inspiration for Aloo-ki. And in a town called Pangnirtung, famous for its people's art, Jan marveled at images of Arctic animals in Inuit clothes and felt a door had opened."

I suppose this could be read in a positive way - "intelligent" and "proud" are certainly good adjectives - but to me, it comes across as othering. Compare the language above to that on the back flap for Who's That Knocking on Christmas Eve?:

"Jan Brett and her husband...went to Norway for her story, based on an old Norwegian folktale. They traveled all the way to the northern province of Finnmark, where polar bears live and the northern lights radiate across the sky.

Special thanks to the Brookfield Zoo...and to Dr. Lee Cera and the staff for their introduction to Kinapak the polar bear and for providing slides and photographs of Kinapak from his birth to the present."

Somehow, the animals and the zoo staff don't come across in quite the same way, do they? There is less a sense of "Wow, through the wardrobe door to magical adventures" in the second description, no? So why couldn't that first description have been written like this:

"Jan Brett and her husband...went to Iqaluit for her story, which was inspired by Inuit art. Jan sought to recreate in the story the richness of the art and handcrafted clothing that she had seen there, and modeled Aloo-Ki after the children she met at a local school.

Special thanks to the people of Iqaluit who welcomed Jan and provided her with such rich inspiration and ideas."

-1 degrees.

Me: "It's minus one degrees!"

Bean: "What does that mean?"

Me: "It means it's one degree below zero. It's less than zero degrees."

Bean: "...how is that possible?"

My question exactly. How is it $%#*ing possible that it is so cold? And if it feels this bad now, how on earth are we going to last through February?

Non-disabled disability stupidity.

On Facebook, one of my friends posted a link to this article from Fox News:
Paralympian Drags Himself to Plane After Airline Makes Him Check Wheelchair
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Kurt Fearnley
A paralympic champion who dragged himself through an airport after a budget airline made him check in his wheelchair has received an apology.

Kurt Fearnley had just crawled along a 60-mile jungle track in Papua New Guinea.

But when he arrived at Brisbane airport a few days later, Jetstar— an offshoot of Qantas airlines — asked him to check in his wheelchair.

The Australian budget airline offered him its own wheelchair, specially designed for planes, but told Fearnley he would have to be pushed by airline staff.

Fearnley, who won marathon gold in the Beijing and Athens Paralympics, was insulted at being asked to give up his independence.

He said the equivalent for an able-bodied person "would be having your legs tied together, your pants pulled down and be carried or pushed through an airport."

In protest, he rejected the airline's wheelchair and dragged himself through the terminal, in and out of the toilet, and onto the plane.

Jetstar has now issued an apology, saying any embarrassment and hurt was not intentional.

It said its policy for passengers in wheelchairs was for them to transfer to the airline wheelchair, which is more maneuverable on the plane, at the boarding gate.

Jetstar have now assured Fearnley they are working on an alternative boarding procedure for disabled passengers.

He said: "As long as that's going ahead, I'm more than happy."

Since the incident, a man from Melbourne has said he spent six days in hospital after he fell out of a Jetstar wheelchair while being pushed by staff.

Trevor Carroll, of South Morang, told ABC news he handed over his four-wheeled walking frame on a Jetstar flight earlier this month, but it was broken in the baggage hold.

The airline offered to fix it, but he had no way to get home.


The first commenter following my friend's link said this:

Hmmm. Not sure if I agree with the passenger. Sounds to me like the airline had a common denominator policy. I would love to have airlines accommodate my specific needs for travelling with a child (carseat, stroller), but they don't. I don't think they're trying to take away my rights as a parent. I think this passenger was offered a reasonable alternative and hasn't proved that the airline was acting in bad faith. I also think the passenger was childish in his response.

Another person commented, and this person - I will call her Clueless - came back and wrote:
...I think it's tough travelling with a small child. Much harder than if I had only myself to look after. The needs of parents with children are not akin to the needs of passengers who are travelling unemcumbered. That's where the airlines have to draw the line. It's up to the airline and overseeing agencies to determine what is safe and reasonable for all passengers and their staff while, at the same time, run a profitable business. I respect that every individual, not just those with disabilities, decides what is reasonable. But not everyone's own desire can be accommodated. What happens then? The airline can't control the passenger's emotions or thoughts, but they can provide reasonble physical assistance which they did. That's why I think this passenger was childish in his response. He was offered more assistance than I get as a parent travelling with a small child.

I was not the only one with my jaw hanging open. Someone else posted:
Having a child is not a disability. However much you might like some assistance with your child while travelling, you are not disabled.

And a second commenter also wrote:
...Adaptive equipment is very specific to the human using the tool. Aside from being humiliating and dehumanizing to have your gear taken away from you and be helped onto the plane, it's also insulting to have a spectrum of disabilities gathered up and placed in the same wheelchair. I have both a husband with a disability and a small child. And let me tell you, the airport is a million times more conducive to traveling with my small child than with my husband.

But Clueless didn't get it. She didn't understand what these two commenters had pointed out so well: having a child, having a difficult time traveling, is not a disability.

Clueless weighed in to say this:
I think anyone who thinks my situation with a toddler is less difficult than a disabled traveler is doing precisely what you seem to think I'm doing. You're being insensitive to my situation. I may not be disabled, but it is hard to me to travel with my toddler. Whatever your conclusions are; they're your conclusions.

Good for you if you can manage better than I and lots of other parents can. Good for the disabled people who understand that they have choices about what they do, like travel on an airplane when it's not the easiest thing to do. Good for people with disabilities and parents with toddlers who strive to do more than is easy. I think it's important to remember that this passenger has CHOSEN to get on planes and do all the things he is doing though disabled. He was never denied the opportunity; it wasn't as he wanted/needed it to be. That's my issue with his reaction. If he never given as much help as he was offered, I would be very upset. (This is why I get really mad at anti-gay measures. Give everyone the same opportunity. Once upon a time, my own marriage would have been unwelcome/illegal.)

So, essentially, the argument is:
1) Disability access is only important if Clueless is able to get the help she needs when she travels with her toddler on planes. (It's all about meeeeee!!!)

2) Having a disability is exactly the same as traveling with a toddler on a plane. To me, this really speaks of a particular kind of entitlement - the entitlement of being able to move easily through the rest of one's life, and then, when something or someone (like a small child and the airport security or an uncomfortable, crowded plane) slows you down and makes you dependent on other people, you think, "wow, this must be what it's like to be disabled! Hey, the fact that I'm experiencing this means that I *am* disabled! Hey, I want some of those special disability rights!"

3) If you choose to get on a plane or to do, really, anything, then you have only yourself to blame for flying in the first place if you don't get the accommodations you need. Except, of course, if you are Clueless, who seems to feel that choosing to get on a plane is something this guy could have easily not done - which would have meant a professional athlete no longer competing, but, you know, it's *his* choice to get on that plane. Her own choice to travel with her toddler? Not mentioned in the same way at all. And look, I've encountered the "you don't have to travel with your kid on planes" crap from the anti-parent, anti-kid crowd. And it *is* crap. If you are going great distances, most often, you're gonna need to fly, unless you happen to a lot of money and vacation time. So while Clueless certainly chooses to fly, I don't begrudge her that decision. I would never say that if she chooses to put herself and her kid on a plane, she deserves to be inconvenienced. No. I would say that airlines need to accommodate their passengers, period, END OF SENTENCE, whether than means finding a way to get my own elderly parents to their connecting flight or making sure that every body on the plane has adequate space and a seatbelt that fits, airplanes need to accommodate their passengers.

But I also wonder what is so difficult about travelling with a toddler that she feels she needs special assistance beyond the early boarding and gate checking of all kinds of additional luggage that the airline already provides? Ensuring that all bathrooms have a changing table would certainly help, but beyond that, I'm really scratching my head. I'm thinking that if Clueless is having a hard time traveling with a toddler on a plane, she probably is having a hard time parenting a toddler in general, and if this is the case, it at least makes some kind of weird sense out of her comments.

4) Everything needs to be exactly equal, everyone should be offered the exact same opportunities for assistance, regardless of whether some people already have more assistance and some people already have less. This is like saying to a starving person and a well-fed person, "here, you can split this sandwich." That is offering each the exact same opportunities for assistance, and it does not meet the needs of the starving person, but hey, on the face of it, it looks fair. The fact that Clueless was motivated to anger re. anti-gay marriage legislation, not because it's morally wrong to prevent people from getting married based on sexual orientation, and not because it violates civil rights to do so, but because her own marriage would have been illegal at some time in the past (It's all about meeeee! again.) and so she feels this one, further suggests that she is less concerned with righting serious societal wrongs than she is with where and how she is affected by these societal wrongs.

What I wanted to say, and didn't, is that it is exactly this kind of self-centered entitled bullshit that makes the anti-parent folks hate us. This is why even our allies sometimes get pissed off at us. Thank you, Clueless, for giving someone, somewhere, another reason to not want to support parents who need support.

In the end, her arrogant ignorance was too much for me. I suggested that she visit Bint and CripChick and educate herself. I hope she does.

What is it about "queer" that seems to invite "mediocre"?

(If you have had this experience, then you know exactly what I mean, and I will not have to pull any punches. If you have not had this experience, then you'll probably get mad and leave me hate mail. If you are still reading after all this time, that is.)

I don't know why it is that people feel that having had a painful or meaningful experience entitles them to make some sort of bad art (poetry, music, whatever) about it and then blast the rest of us with it in the name of unity, but COME ON. For some reason, this seems, in my experience, to happen most frequently at queer-themed events. I think it might be because some people confuse the emotional impact of an experience with the emotional impact of art, and they think that expressing these strong feelings through writing or song will automatically result in art.

And you know, I encourage the expression of feelings and the creation of art, even bad art. I have written a lot of bad poetry, in fact.

But if you are going to perform, then please at least do us the courtesy of taking your art seriously enough to be somewhat good at it. Study it - don't just assume that anyone can do it and that what you wrote down at three in the morning or what you sound like when you sing in the shower is ready to be shared with the world.

Look, I'm not saying that people who can't sing shouldn't sing. I'm saying that if there is going to be a highly-publicized performance, please, can't it be halfway decent? If you are going to hang your painting in a coffee shop, can't it be informed by some knowledge of color and design?

I have never liked the way people use the word "gay" or "queer" to mean "odd" or "stupid." I for sure don't want to see it become shorthand for "mediocre".

Abortion truck fail.

On my way to work, I drive past the local Planned Parenthood, the one which some idiot rammed his car into not to long ago (as in, INTO - he made eye contact with the receptionist and then drove the car straight at her, into the building). Today I left later than I usually leave, and so when I went by Planned Parenthood, I saw some activity there that I don't usually see. I noticed one of those obnoxious abortion trucks (though, I must say, this one did not have bloody pictures on it, unlike the ones that hang out in South Dakota) parked a few doors down, in front of the fake clinic.

For a second, I felt annoyed. Then, I decided to do something about my annoyance.
I pulled in right in front of the abortion truck, parked, walked up the block to Planned Parenthood, and wrote them a check right then and there. I contemplated telling the abortion truck people that they had motivated me to give money to Planned Parenthood, and I would have had they said anything to me, but they didn't, and I decided not to taunt them, both because I'm trying to be a better person than that, and also because I think they're often a bit unhinged and have proven themselves to be dangerous.

The elimination diet.

So, have I mentioned that I am on an elimination diet? Well, let me tell you: I am on an elimination diet. I have been on this elimination diet for nearly six weeks, and I have two foods to re-challenge before I will know what needs to stay out of my diet for another 8 weeks, followed by more food challenges, and what I can eat. This has been a complicated process, involving a lot of thinking about food, and a lot of natural bologna with goat cheese on spelt bread sandwiches (which are really quite good, but getting a little old, after six weeks). I have discovered the fascinating world of wheat-free eating (if you are avoiding gluten, check out Arico brand cookies - they are excellent and only a little odd), dairy-free eating (my absolute, hands-down favorite fake ice cream is Coconut Bliss, which is made from coconut milk and other yummy stuff AND which uses agave syrup instead of sugar; corn-free eating (not really an issue, except for the corn syrup that shows up in places you wouldn't expect); and nightshade vegetable-free eating (which, combined with the wheat and dairy avoidance, means I can't eat Italian food, which hurts. Though I hear there is a product, "no-mato," that is an excellent tomato substitute.).

I suspect that I am sensitive to cheese and nightshades. Fortunately, I seem to be able to eat ice cream with abandon (which, in fact, I had to do - you have to test each food with about 5-6 servings). So whey is ok and casein is forbidden, or something like that.

I will re-test cheese and nightshades soon. I look forward to getting past the testing phase and being able to eat just a little less intentionally. I'm amazed that I'm making it through all the thinking about food without re-developing an eating disorder.

But on the plus side - I feel pretty good.